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28 July 2005 @ 04:30 pm
I'll never understand it...how the journey led me here...  
Stepping out of the cab I looked around and wondered what the fuck I was doing here. Why am I going to do this shit when I know it’s all going to turn out and be one big beating with the shit stick?

Claire doesn’t want to see me, I made sure of that on open-mic night a few weeks ago. I was angry and just pissed off, so I vented. I know it all got back to her, it always does; after all she knows everyone here so I’m sure someone opened their big fat mouth.

Most likely Anita. Stupid cunt didn’t tell me Claire had come by that day until nearly a month later. That’s just fucked up, it makes me think of ‘what if’ and I hate doing that.

Taking a deep breath I fixed my shirt and looked down at my jeans, making sure I looked decent enough if I did see her even though I hoped she was too busy selling her art to see me. I just want to go in and then out, giving her silent – every silent – support for tonight.

The place looked great, they actually did a decent setup for once around here. I’m sure Claire made sure to be up their ass the entire time to make sure that her art was shown right. There wasn’t too many people, but thankfully – for Claire’s sake and my own – the place wasn’t empty.

It would be easy to hide in the clusters of snotty people as they silently ripped her work apart. After being there for only twenty minutes there were more then a hand full of women that I wanted to bash their heads in, do they not know talent in this down?

It wasn’t long before I had enough and was getting ready to slip out before I was noticed when I saw her standing by one of the walls, three people walking away from her and leaving her there alone. She ran her fingers through her hair and I could tell even from a few feet away that she wasn’t having a good night.

I couldn’t stop myself from walking over towards her. “You don’t suck…” I stopped a few feet from her, taking now the time to keep any of my usual added comments to myself – for the most part – for the moment. This wasn’t about me, at least not now. The fighting could and would come later.

She turned and looked at me, almost like she was seeing a ghost or something. I wasn’t able to read her reaction clearly. I continued to ramble, thinking it was for the best at the moment. “You know your work doesn’t suck, everyone else knows this too. If they say or think otherwise it’s for two reasons. One they are obviously deficient in some way and can’t see it or two they’re jealous.” A small smile twisted the corner of my lips. “Yeah, that’s it. You know what jealousy does to a person. They can’t believe that such a young kid could have such talent.” Rolling my eyes I leaned in a bit closer to her, smelling her shampoo. “Apparently talent comes with age…along with social security and BenGay.”

Yeah, I was still pissed off at her; I’m sure she is at me. But that doesn’t change the fact that her art is good, that’s all there is to it.

Not giving her time to react I turned on my heel and headed over towards one of the other displays on the other side of the gallery, I think it was all black and whites.

It was strange to be back here, even stranger to see Claire. I didn’t plan on it, then again I didn’t plan on any of this, especially us not being friends.
Claire Fisher: artistic influence claire/ediesomethingtragic on September 30th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC)
Support? Was she being serious? I sneered a little bit almost automatically because last time I saw Edie she made it really fucking clear that she didn't want anything to do with me. And then she went out and did a performance piece about me and how I wouldn't eat her out because I was a scared little straight girl. That so wasn't how it went at all. I thought we....I thought we were more than that. I thought we had a connection. I guess I was wrong. As usual.

I shrugged sullenly when she asked me how the show was going. Well, nothing had exploded yet and Billy's Mom had only had a two glasses of champagne which was a good start. Although give her another hour and she'd be three sheets to the wind and trying to chat with my mother. A very dangerous idea if ever there was one. But my mom was already warmed up after Nate dating Brenda for so long.

"Not yet, but the night's still young and I'm sure after Mrs. Chenowith has a few more she'll start dropping credit card numbers on every piece here." Which was total bullshit and said nothing about who I was as an artist, just that my boyfriend happened to come from a lot of money.

"It's all stupid anyway. I don't know why I agreed to do this show." I finally admitted, wrapping my arms around my chest self-consciously.
Edie: Knowing Smile__edie__ on October 3rd, 2005 02:05 am (UTC)
I laughed when she went on about some woman. "Yeah well, might not mean anything her buying them all and shit. But think of it this way, when she dies. Buy them back. Knowing drunks she'll get run over by a train sometime soon. But besides that, know that you'll end up getting money to fund more crazy Claire projects and shit."

I laughed and nodded towards one on the far wall, it was from that night we'd all gotten drunk and stoned off something or other - it escapes me for the moment - and she took photos of me. This one wasn't the picture of me, it was just my hair and part of my hand, like the camera slipped or I moved when she went to take the photo. "Didn't know you had more from...more from that night."

Shaking my head I looked over at her, realizing I was spouting half bullshit because we were both feeling the same thing here. Awkward. It took me a moment but I realized I wanted to tell her that I was sorry for what happened on open mic night. But my lips never moved to say that.

"You did it because you're talented and you wanted to brag. All artists want to. They wanna get noticed. Why do you think they're always busting their ass till their fingers bleed to get noticed only to find out that when they're dead they get noticed?"

I looked over at her and sighed, she was wound up and nervous and I wasn't helping any, maybe I should leave or something. Or maybe persuade her to go get high off something to relax her. "Hey, I can leave if you want me too..."
Claire Fisher: hate to say im sorrysomethingtragic on October 9th, 2005 06:05 am (UTC)
I blushed a little bit when she finally found my favorite photograph. It was one of the photos I'd taken that night when we were all on that weird X like thing and Edie and I had rolled around on the grass. It should have been an accident but the photograph turned out beautiful. Just a few brushes of pale hair and one sinewy hand, a few fingers and a shiny silver ring gleaming through. It drew you in, against your will. Not like the piece that she'd seen. I wasn't kidding when I told her I wanted to keep it just for me.

I was too wound up to even reply to her and I knew she was trying her best to put me at ease but just having her here was making me nervous. It wasn't like I really wanted her to leave I just...didn't want her here. Couldn't she have picked like some less awkward time to try and make amends with me.

"No. I mean, it's just really fucking weird that you're here, Edie. Last time I saw you you totally blew me off. And then I hear you did this piece...about me in front of everybody. I didn't even know about it. I had to hear it from Jimmy. And...are you sleeping with Anita now?!"

I suddenly realized I was being way too loud and I crossed my arms over my chest sullenly and looked around nervously. Well, it wasn't my fault that she decided now was a good time to come and talk to me. Now when I was nervous and there were all of these people around. Let alone Billy.
Edie: Eyes of Fools__edie__ on October 29th, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
I crossed my arms before fidgeting and digging them into the pockets of my hooded jacket. "I was angry ok? I mean..." I sighed heavily and looked at her before looking at the painting in front of me. "I was hurt, never did hurt all that well."

I caught myself getting lost in thought when she mentioned Anita. That was like a bucket of cold water. "Ok, what the fuck?" I looked at her like she'd totally lost her mind. "Have you been taking some bad drugs or something?" Did she sound jealous? No, I wasn't going to think like that, I wasn't going to put an ounce of hope into the idea of that. No, there was no way that Claire was jealous of the idea about me and Anita... I can't think like that.

Licking my lips I looked over at her, trying to find a way to calm us both down because the tension between us was gonna kill one of us soon. "I wouldn't fuck Anita with someone else's dick." I snickered and shook my head before turning to look at Claire.

Everything felt weird, like it was just a bit off center between us. Guess that was my doing. "Look, I shouldn't have done it. I wasn't thinking, I've a tendency to do that and I'm...it just shouldn't have happened." Wasn't sure I was able to actually utter the word 'sorry' where other people could hear me. I just wanted past the strange and awkward. Normal - or something looking like it - would kind of be nice right about now.

Silence fell over us again, standing in front of a picture that seemed like it was taken ages ago. Tucking my hair away from my face I looked over at her. "So, ummm do you maybe wanna get together tonight or well some other time and get a drink, maybe talk so we can either patch things up or move on...I mean...the balls in your court. I know you've got a new boy..." toy "...friend and I don't want to step on toes or nothin'."
Claire Fisher: almost happysomethingtragic on October 31st, 2005 07:13 am (UTC)
I looked down quickly, suddenly completely embarressed that I'd just actually blurted out that I thought she was sleeping with Anita. That wasn't my fault! Last time I saw Anita she was standing outside of Edie's door and pretty much implied that they were fuck buddies now. That was just like Anita too, always going for my sloppy seconds. I mean, first there was Russel and then Anita and I was just glad that she'd never sunk her claws into Billy.

Finally a small shy smile followed by a laugh escaped my lips when she said that she wouldn't fuck Anita with a stolen dick. That was completely something Edie to say and I wondered if she might one day find some way to work into one of her pieces. When I met her gaze the smile disappeared and instead my usual deer in headlights expression came to the forefront. That was Edie for you though. There was just something that just completely took you over when you were in her presence.

I was about to just shrug her off and tell her it was cool or throw her own crap speech back in her face. About how she couldn't just walk in and expect to control people. Isn't that what she told me that night at the club?

But she took me off guard when she asked if I wanted to hang out or something later.

"I do." I said quickly, realizing that she had no idea what I was actually referring to? "I mean, I do have a boy...friend now. But I also want to have a drink with you. It's just a drink....you know, to catch up and talk about art...or something." I smiled shyly up at her.
Edie: Damn Cute__edie__ on November 3rd, 2005 12:41 pm (UTC)
I gave her a small smile that I actually felt met my eyes this time. "Great." I paused and gave her a look. "I know you have a boyfriend Claire, it was a bit on the obvious side before. It's cool, we were friends before things got weird. I like the friends thing again."

Giving her a genuine smile I ran my fingers through my hair before digging into my back pocket for my new cell number that I'd written on a piece of paper earlier, hoping to give it to her.

"There's my number, if you get bored or wanna cut out early let me know, I'm so your girl." I paused and realized she might take that wrong, normally I don't care but we're still on shaky ground. "I mean for drinks and art talk, maybe we'll get inspired for our next big project."

I gave her a cocky grin and pointed to the picture of my hand. "I'd love to buy that one signed someday." Touching her arm gently I snatched up a glass of wine that was being passed out and drank it on my towards the door. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to call or not, either way I was nervous.
Claire Fisher: future is brightsomethingtragic on November 5th, 2005 09:22 pm (UTC)
I looked down at the piece of paper in my hand. God, she even had a new cell number now? Was it to avoid me from before? Okay, now I was just getting all kinds of paranoid and really? I still wanted to be mad at her for the way she treated me before but Edie was like....I didn't know what Edie was. She was something I just couldn't get out of my system. Kind of like Billy in that way I guess. God, what would Mom freak out more about? Me dating a former psychopath or me being a lesbian? I had no idea.

She said she was my girl and I blinked at that but before I could even respond to it she was talking about buying my painting before she snagged a glass of wine and headed for the door. I stared down at the number in my hand before slipping the piece of paper back into my purse.

"Who was that?" Billy's voice was in my ear as he snaked his arms around my waist.

"Umm.. Just a friend of mine from school." I said nonchalantly before turning around and smiling up at him.